Can you hear me?

Why is it that someone can tell us the same thing over and over and yet we don't hear it until we think it for ourselves? Or did we hear it but it is not relevant yet?

I am sure I don't have the answer... If life is a roller coaster - I often feel like my car is completely off the tracks, never mind the up and down. I like the part where you just go along and all is calm... there is something up ahead to look forward to, but right now it is comfortable and everything seems to line up and have purpose. OK, so a bit corny....but sometimes true. In the past few years... I wasn't even in control of my car and lately it seems like I am back on track and comfortable.

In March, I went to see a psychic. It was unbelievable. I can't even describe the feeling of connecting with my mom. Something inside of me changed that day and every day since. I still miss my mother. I still cry at times I don't expect to cry and it still hurts and seems unfair. The change is different, it is deep inside. I have moved forward. I got a tattoo in memory of my mom - seashells of course. That process in itself deserves a blog.. but it helped on the journey. I learned that a 3rd child is in my future. The woman told me I needed to take better care of myself...that my mother wanted me to take care of me. In the past few months, I have lost 20 lbs, started accupuncture, yoga and will do IVF this summer.... holy shit. I would say a big change... a shift has occurred. We are working hard for that baby and somehow I just know my mom has some part in it, like my mother will be a part of this baby. She always encouraged me to explore these avenues for inner strength and calm, to make myself important. Of course, I just said.. "I know mom.." but now as I do these things, I feel her with me... smiling that I heard her.